The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
