you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize