Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
