I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize