If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
