did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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