Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
