She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
