I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
