I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
