I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
