I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
