It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
