theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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