Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
so much tequila, so little girl.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
