Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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