i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
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