she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
