lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
