I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I checked into jail on foursquare
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If I die, sorry about rent.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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