Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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