A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
