I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
