Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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