So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We are two peas in an std pod
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize