FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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