I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
