I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
