hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize