I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
