1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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