hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
