Moan for me like Helen Keller
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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