It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize