you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He better not be in your backpack
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
