I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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