That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
