So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
