So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
