Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
