just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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