OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
