We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
