Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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