you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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