sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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