I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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