Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
