if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
And then he peed in my hair
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