Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's official drugs can't kill me
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You ruined the universe
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
