if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
