he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
