i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
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