I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
