I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
