what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
