So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
