Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
it hurts more in the daytime
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
