you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
