Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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