Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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