Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
