What a fucking waste of an outfit
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
