please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize