Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
