Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My cat gives me a boner
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
