youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
