I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
