No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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