We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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