cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
