This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
