I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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