A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
