I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
