my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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