You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
