come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
